5 Questions You Need to Be Asking Your Christian Friends
Spiritual Life
Audio By Carbonatix
By Becky Weber, Crosswalk.com
One of the most important things that each one of us will need as a Jesus follower is friends who will walk alongside us on our journey. The Christian life is not something we should be doing on our own. We are to do life in a community of other believers so we can encourage one another along the way. Having a couple of people you are closer to should be part of it, people who will know you really well. It isn't easy, but it is worth the work that you put into it.
As much as we need this for ourselves, we need to be this for others. We need to be willing to go deeper with a couple of close and trustworthy people. We need to put in the hard work and be the friend that others need. They need someone they can do life with, someone they can open up to about the things they are struggling with, someone who will show them grace and love, and who will cheer them on in their walk with Jesus. One way we can do this is by asking questions that encourage them to open up and share with us. We can model this by sharing our struggles and hard places with them first. That will show them we are right where they are, and hopefully, they will open up about what is going on in their lives. It's hard to know what kind of questions we should ask, so I have thought of some specific ones that might be helpful.
Here are five questions you need to be asking your Christian friends.
1. How is your walk with Jesus going?
This is one of the most important questions that you can ask a fellow believer. We need to be able to ask these questions of each other, especially of our friends. It's not being responsible for someone else's faith, but genuinely caring about how our friends are doing. Life is hard enough; we need others walking alongside us so we can spur one another on in our faith. There will be times when we might need to pull someone out of the pit or sin that they have become tangled in. Don't do life alone. Find one or two people you can ask these questions to, and have them ask you the same questions in return. It can be as simple as meeting for coffee with a friend and asking this question. If you are in a small group, this is a great way to start a discussion. There doesn't have to be pressure to answer, but it might be a great opportunity for someone to get something off their chest. The important thing is that people have an opportunity to share.
2. How can I pray for you?
Another powerful question we should be asking our friends is how can we be praying for them. Many of us carry burdens that no one else knows about. By asking someone how we can pray for them, we are helping our friend carry their burden to Jesus and helping them release it into his control. It can make their load so much lighter. I have two friends I can text anytime to ask for prayer. It has been one of the best things I have started doing. I feel like I am not alone when I ask them to pray for me. My burdens feel lighter, and it is nice when others know what is going on in my life. Prayer is one of the ways that we can be a blessing to others and show them we care. Start thinking about one or two people you can ask this of, and make it a priority to do so.
3. How can I encourage you?
Encouraging words are so needed, yet don't seem to be spoken very often. It takes being intentional to even notice that someone might need encouragement, and even more selfless action to ask someone how they can be encouraged. Negative things are so easy to let slide out of our mouths, and can cause so much damage. The Lord tells us that we are to be different, so why wouldn't we do what we are called to do by speaking encouraging words to those who need it? I know how much encouragement from others has meant to me, and I want to be able to do the same for my friends. Ask the Lord to remind you to ask people how you can encourage them. You might be the person who has the privilege of speaking the words that they need to hear.
4. What is going well, and what is hard for you right now?
I sometimes wonder how isolated each one of us is. We move through life so quickly due to busyness, saying one or two superficial things to others, and never really having deeper conversations. Even some longer conversations we have with friends might not get to a point where we feel like we are connecting on a deeper level. That is why the questions that we ask are important; it can help move past a barrier we need to break to help a friend open up. Asking someone about what is going well and what is hard is a good way to invite a friend to share what is really going on with them. No one else may be asking these questions, and there is a good chance it will show your friend that you care. I know for me, I long to have people in my life who are interested in what is going on. If your friend does share with you, make a point to listen intently and refrain from trying to fix things. Sometimes, the only thing we need from others is to be heard. That alone can help our friend feel so much better, because you showed you care.
5. Is there anything that you need to confess or forgive?
Every single person will have a point when they have done something wrong or been on the receiving end of a wrongdoing. When we do something wrong, it isn't easy to admit it, and we may not want to share it. What an opportunity we have to be a safe space for a friend if they need it. It is also a risk to step out and ask a friend such a bold question. If you have been a good friend to them and they know your heart, they might be more than willing to share. The most important thing we can do as their friend is to allow them to share without judging or shaming them. We can be part of their healing process. Having a friend like this has made a huge difference in my walk with Jesus. My close friends have been a safe space for me to share things I am struggling with, and they show me the love and grace of Jesus. I would not share things with them if it felt like I was being judged. They have ministered to me so much as I have walked through some difficult situations. We can do this exact same thing for others and help them grow closer to Jesus.
Scripture tells us in James 5:16 that we should confess our sins to each other so that we can be healed. It is just as important to share if we have been holding on to unforgiveness against another person. Confessing these things will free us from the hold that sin and bitterness can have over us. I find it so interesting that we are told to confess this to others. There is something about sharing with others so that we can be healed. If we are alone in our sin, it must be impossible to get out of it alone. I have been in that position before, and I felt alone and isolated because no one knew about it. When I finally decided to share it with someone, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Don't hold onto these things; share them with a safe person so they don't hold you down anymore.
It is hard to put ourselves out there and be willing to ask hard questions to those who are closest to us. Don't start out asking these questions right when you meet someone, but allow a relationship to develop first. Or, if you are in a small group with other people, these might be good questions for that setting. Regardless of which situation you move toward, each one of us should strive to have relationships like this. Relationships that are rich, real, and help us move toward the goal of growing closer to Jesus. It can be done, but it requires us to be part of a community and be willing to ask the hard questions. You will be so grateful that you decided to pursue it when you are surrounded by friends who want the same thing that you do.
